The story of Gideon is a favourite to many. I was always fascinated by the clever battle tactics that allowed Gideon and his army to outsmart the Moabites and make them think that the Israelites were much more numerous than they were in reality. Considering my love of historical battles and legendary tacticians such as Hannibal Barca and the Duke of Wellington, this might not be surprising. However, it wasn’t until recently that I began to look past the exciting battle scene to the spiritual battle that was being waged in Gideon’s own heart. I recognized his struggle, because it mirrors my own.

When I was a teen and young adult, I was very confident. If you ask my parents, they might even say I was over confident. I knew what I wanted and I was driven to achieve it. In my blissfully ignorant mind, success was always attainable, as long as I worked hard enough. However, with the years and decades that pass, that confidence has begun to waver. I am finding that the older I get, the more uncertain of myself I become. I still have big ideas and even bigger dreams, but the way forward is often muddled. I feel clear callings on my life, but am sometimes unsure and sometimes unwilling to move forward in faith into the unknown. I am painfully aware of my own human limits and feelings of inadequacy. As a perfectionist, I question whether I am good enough. I hold back because I don’t know if what I have to offer will meet the mark.

I imagine that this is how Gideon felt. It is why he put out the fleece and asked God to show him signs. If Gideon were alive today, I think he probably would have said he felt some serious imposter syndrome. Who was he to lead the army of Israel into battle against the Moabites? He didn’t feel up to the task, so he was holding out until he felt confident that he would be successful. The truth is, he was right. He wasn’t up for the task. But he was also asking the wrong question. Instead of asking if he was enough, he should have asked if God was enough. The answer, of course, would have been a resounding yes!

Like Gideon, I too experience imposter syndrome. As I consider my own feelings of inadequacy, it is good for me to remember the truth. I AM inadequate. And yet, the Moabites WERE defeated. God still wanted to use Gideon, weak and lacking though he was. God wanted him to stand in his weakness and step forward in faith, and He calls me to do the same.

Gideon’s story is a testimony to what our God can and does do! He meets us in the midst of our imperfect, unfinished work and often asks us to walk in obedience. Amazingly, it is in those moments when we offer Him our meagre efforts with open hands that He accomplishes His purposes through us. In fact, Paul reminds the Christians in Corinth that God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9). Thanks be to God that He doesn’t expect perfection from us, a truth that I pray will allow my perfectionist heart to find rest. Instead, I only need to faithfully obey Him, and He will accomplish the rest.